The Dangers of Noldorin HiJinks
by Little she-bear
Summary: Parody fic; think the Onion meets the Silmarillion, perhaps with a pinch of National Enquirer. Short and sweet.


_A/N: Just a drabbley thing I scribbled down one sleepless night. I decided to post it to kill time before my 'serious' muse decides to come back to me. I might update this if my parody bunny comes to visit in the night again. Then again, I might not._

~*~

**Drunken Prank Goes "Horribly Wrong."**

A practical joke of incredible thoughtlessness carried out by parties unknown left the heir to the High Kingship of the Noldor, Maedhros, nailed to the side of Morgoth's mountain fortress by one hand. "_I really can't remember exactly what happened," states Maedhros also known as Nelyafinwë.  "__The last thing I remember was going back to the bar with Celegorm to get more wine and then next thing I know is I'm waking up nailed to a slope of Thangorodrim."  _

The incident occurred after Maedhros' three-thousand, one hundred and forty-fifth begetting-day party, attended by the House of Fëanor and friends of the family.  "_I admit, I'd had a little too much to drink," says Maedhros, "_but that's no excuse to take advantage_."  It seems that when he was in an advanced state of inebriation, the Noldorin Prince was taken to an area nearby the fortress of Angband and left there. _

"_Oh, he was well out of it," claimed Amras, the youngest of Maedhros' brothers. "_You could have stuck him on a glacier in the middle of the Helcaraxë and he'd have been completely oblivious_." _

"_Yeah," adds his twin, Amrod, "__I mean, we were making fun of him, calling him 'Ginger Snap,' flicking his ears, stuff like that, we'd never get away with it if he were sober. We love a good joke, don't we, Pityo? But some people just take things too far, you know?"_

"_It wasn't funny," concurred their older brother Maglor. "_I'm sure it was all meant to be just a big laugh, but whoever did it should have known something like this would happen. They're not called 'The Mountains of Opression' for nothing._" So far, no one at the party has claimed responsibility for dumping their Prince in such a dangerous area.  "_I'd bet it was either Celegorm or Caranthir, they're always daring each other to do stupid things_," continues Maglor, "_My money's on Celegorm. That dozey bugger'll do anything for a pint_."_

It was Maedhros' close friend, Fingon, who raised the alarm. "_Well, like everyone else, I was having a good time. I went out to get some air and when I came back inside Maedhros was gone. I noticed the Maglor wasn't around either so I assumed he'd taken him home, they live close by to each other and I knew Maedhros was a little worse for wear._" However, events had not panned out the way that Fingon had thought. "_When I spoke to Maglor later, he told me that he hadn't gone home with Maedhros.  He told me that he'd passed out at some point in the evening, so he didn't see what had happened to Maedhros either. When Maglor came to on the lavatorium floor the next morning, he just assumed Maedhros had made his own way back to Himring._"  When Maglor told Fingon that he hadn't heard from Maedhros in "_about five years_," that was when Fingon, "_Started to get worried_."

Fingon called an Eagle taxi and went in search of his missing friend, eventually tracking him down to the slope of Thangorodrim. 

"_I couldn't believe it when I found him. He'd been dangling there by one arm, for five years!"_

"_I'm so angry," rages Maedhros. "__I can't believe someone didn't say something. I really thought someone would have come to fetch me sooner. Do you have any idea what it's like to be nailed to a mountainside by your right hand, in all weathers, while trying to get over a stinking hangover?"    
  
Maedhros did have lasting injuries from this so called 'prank,' he lost his right hand trying to get off the mountain.  Pundits have leapt on this incident to draw attention to the dangers of alcohol fuelled hi-jinks._

"_Let that be a lesson to them," says Sindarin King, Elu Thingol, "_I've said it before and this just proves my point, these young Noldorin punks are out of control._"_

Maedhros says he just wants life to "_get back to normal_" and wants some time to reflect on what has happened to him. "_I'm giving the High Kingship to Fingon's father, partly out of gratitude and partly because I really don't need the pressure after all this."_

Fingon adds, "_I think Maedhros is pretty embarrassed about the whole thing. If in future he tells people this all happened because he was tricked by Morgoth into coming to a 'conference' at Angband and not because of a drunken prank, I won't contradict him."  _


End file.
